The dream marked a major transformation in my life by throwing me instantly into my own healing from hatred and at the same time into being of service to those who suffer. After that night I realized that lucid spiritual dreams had been a great part of my life since childhood but I had never paid attention to them. There was no one in my family or community who could guide me as these teachings came through my dreambody. Dreambody is the name for unusual experiences and altered states of consciousness according to Arnold Mindell, author of the Shaman’s Body.
Despite the lack of assistance with my shamanic experience, I went forth into the world explaining to folks, especially black women (but not only), how the Black Angels had messages about suffering and being responsible for one’s own attention to suffering. However, soon after the cards had taken shape and were introduced into the world it became clear that I had only gotten a glimpse of the vast teachings delivered that one night in 1996.
This medicine from the depth of the earth was beyond any mental comprehension. I didn’t feel that I embodied the very medicine that had come through me. I could not speak of the light the Black Angels shed because the transition period of darkness prevailed in my life during the birthing. I was being initiated. How was I to walk with such potent medicine?
Was I ready to walk from continent to continent telling of what I had received in my sleep? How was I going to tell the publishers that this gift was not a toy, it was not new age, not tarot, not the next spiritual gimmick, that the gift did not fit in any of the publisher’s marketing boxes? How was I going to tell them about the fear of not being able to fully explain the gift from the other world? At the same time, I knew in my bones that it would be years before I could understand the affect of the dream upon my life.
I did walk the earth. In 1999 -2001 I went from the west coast of the United States to the east coast, visiting many who wanted peace that was already within.
When I returned home, exhausted, I took a hiatus because I could see that I personally had more work to do with my inner most fears. Zen Buddhist practice became the path by which I came into accepting my life. I learned to let go of the negative images of blackness and stories I had of myself and embraced the gift of life. In the end I was ordained as a Zen priest/nun so that I could walk in the world with more integrity that ever before.
Today, I have returned to The Black Angel Cards and I am so glad to have returned.